i find myself here again and i say,
look Lord
i really want to go back home
i really want to do what i used to do
reading about David has sparked this
but don't blame him
let me quote to bring remembrance and refreshment to self.
pg 63?
it might be said of him (David.)
as of the Fallen Spirit (no ref.)
:--
" His Face
Deep scars of thunder had entrenched, and care
Sat on his faded cheek."
re:
God gave him back his clean heart.
True he was forgiven, but he must have found it terribly hard to forgive himself.
... God had renewed a right spirit within him; but the sense of forgivementss / forgiveness differes from the sweetness of innocence, and the remission of his sins did not bring with it the remission of their consequences.
from that disastrous day, David was a changed man
(a charged man)
likewise..
the Nemesis of Sin's normal conseq... pursued himt o the end.
Dark Spirits walked in his house
... Joab knew his guilty secrets... Joab.....
those dirty secrets...
so here i am Lord..
i said in my foolishness
If i could read all the books on this shelf and know what they say
that's all i need or want
to master one row of shelf.
what would i be like, Lord?
i say that would be enough for me
but you say...
NO
not one shelf..
"watch the hand."
Lord You alone hold my future, in the palm of Your hands ... so show me
what must i do..
what... can
what CAN i do?
What... one ...
ought or should...
do ...
next.
what if these dark and dirty secrets leak out...
Would all be lost
If
What
would lost... lose
Be both
David lost his charm, his influence, his popularity... among his subjects.
he was haunted. by an ever present sense of shame and humiliation.
Joab was a murderer and went unpunished; but was not he too ... an unpunished murderer?
if his foes cursed him, he sometimes felt with a sense of despair, ...
"Let them curse. God hath said unto them, curse David."
If his past carried with it the inevitable deterioration. of his present.
in the over whelming shame and horror which rent his heart ... during the rebellion of Absalom, he must often have felt Tempted to the fatalism of desperation, like that guilty king of Greek tragedy who burdened with the curse of his race, was forced to exclaim, --
"quote putting"
... curses in his family, a curse upon his daughter, a curse upon his sons, a curse upon himself, a curse upon his people. - there was scarcely one ...
Into Thine hands I commit my spirit, too.
Here I come!
You have called me with and with an everlasting love, life and into your light!
So here I am once again
... Holding heaven!
Hold my hand, I am afraid.
Speak to me, tell me to fear not and I will obey you
If you did not stretch forth your hand I would had sunk.
You raise me up and you do not waste my pain!
Here am I
Speak Lord!
Here am I
And not alone...
I am here, yes...
Here am I, Lord!
&
I AM's here
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